Are you missing your black olives?

Now, you may be asking, "What the heck kind of question is that?" I'm going to delve into the philisophical for a moment... but first I have to start out with a really powerful anecdote.

To fill some of you in, we (the people of the house I reside in) hosted the annual Gabel Christmas party at our house this year. Because we are German (read: devout Lutherans) we do our annual Christmas party potluck style. The customary vegetable tray, some form of pork dish, Christmas cookies and whatnot were already taken care of so we tried to think of something else to eat that was different from the aforementioned foods. For some reason or another, we decided to make the bean/taco-ish dip that usually tastes pretty good. If you don't know what it is... it's a pretty simple formula... refried beans, sour cream, taco cheese, green onion, tomato, and black olives.

Now to be a good host and make sure most of the food is eaten, one has to compromise one thing or another to make sure that others are comfortable. In this case we had to put black olives on only one side of the platter because we have picky folks in the crowd. Most peple got in line to eat before me and managed to consume the side that had the black olives. When it was time for me to go through, I was sadly dissapointed to see that my only option was the dull and oliveless portion of the dip. Let me make this clear by saying that this dip is NOT complete without the black olives. I took a scoop, grabbed some chips, and tried to enjoy what I had.

The word "olives" is now a metaphor...

This may be the time of year where you may have guests in your home or you're just trying to do something nice for someone. One man's "Olives" may be another man's "Fruitcake". You may try to... Are you still reading this? Do you really think that a story about bean dip could unlock some kind of profound meaning? It's me we're talking about. This is great, I GOT YOU! I bet some of you stopped reading after the whole "olives as a metaphor" thing, that's ok... I have a level of respect for you that you cannot know because you stopped reading.

Now, if i told you the whole story... which I will now... you will see how life really is. We made the bean dip... everyone ate it before me and they got violently ill because I grabbed the wrong sour cream. The stuff we used also happened to be present at our 4th of July cookout... and the old fridge which it happened to be in broke down in August and sat in 90 degree weather for a week. Now that's a good life lesson... let someone else eat before you for safety purposes. That may seem increidbly negative but I guess it's the French-Canadian in me.

I'm going to take this second post to clear some things up...

First of all, I hope all of you all had a great Christmas. Things have been hectic for the past week so I haven't had a chance update this wonderful little bit of space on The Internet. I think the fact that I have not posted for a week made the last post seem like something written in fury and needed to be taken seriously. Remeber... This is me we're talking about. No insults were intended and for those of you who sent angry emails; You can stop now. I'm not going to say any names... but to the lone poster who responded to this entry... I don't want to assume anything... but if you stopped because of this... My deepest of apologies. (Comment removed from the post to protect the innocent.)

The Anti-Blog is a real blog which I originally intended to be a parody of other blogs. Even though I have the stance that blogs are evil and will destroy civilization... That theory is just a big bag of hot air... which... oddly enough reflects who the writer is (laugh now!). Blogs are probably useful for communicating thoughts and ideas that the writer may not be able to share with an audience by conventional means.

That's it for today... Hope Y'all have a Happy and Safe New Year.

More to Come

Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves.
- Rudyard Kipling

< \ rant >
To whom this may offend:

This is a first post of what should hopefully be very few. I plead to the blogging community "Stop it!" All of you are ruining a good thing. Normally I would just ignore all of you and go on my merry way but you have DESTROYED MY Internet! It's not possible to even search on Google for something interesting and/or important without getting a bunch of blog results.
For those of you who have been sending me links to your blogs for the past 2 years. You all have been demoted from "Friend" to acquantiance. If you feel that I have been a little harsh (you should seriously be thinking this right now) I think we should refer to the old adage: "Friends don't let friends blog." Have none of you heard this? Were you really my friends in the first place? Did you just want to throw our friendship out the window? Do you all need some kind of counseling?

Reasons not to blog:

1. No one cares about your cats.
2. No one cares that you know how to type.
3. Your rhetorical questions have no place on The Internet.
   
4. Blogs really irritate me.
5. There is a thing called a telephone...
6. If number 5 doesn't work, get a notebook and some paper.

Not only do I think that blogs are destorying The Internet. I deeply feel that blogs will lead to the end of society. Talk to a human... and if you are the one reading blogs... go to a restaurant and listen to someones conversation just like every other lonely human being.

One final statement: Look what you made me do!
< / rant >